unpacking.

The challenge of unpacking.

Not my bags, I did that within the hour I got home. But unpacking everything that just happened in the past two months. I feel like I kept getting hit without time to get back up and now that I am home I have the mighty task of unpacking the events of the summer.

Looking back, I can't believe all the things that happened. My life in South Africa is a completely different world than here and its weird to step from one world to another in a day. Its shocking really. So now I am sitting here in all this down time wondering what on earth just happened and how it affects who I am today. What were the struggles, the challenges and the joys? What did I learn and what do I need to learn now? All questions I finally have the time to ask myself. So keep me in your prayers as I try to unpack this all.

dirt.

Lately I have been realizing how much dirt is a part of life here. It doesn’t matter if you shower in the morning you end up with so much dirt on you. The kids are covered in it. The cars are covered in it. Oh my goodness you can sweep the whole tile house and within hours there is a layer of dirt again. I wash it out of my hair, shake it out of my shoes, and just let it reside in my nails.

I'm starting to see the symbolism with the dirt, though. It's a pretty thick layer that covers this life, but when you take the time to get beneath the dirt and brush some of it away you can fully see the beauty here. I think we all have these dirt layers over us, but amidst the suffering here, the dirt is literal.

I'm beginning to think that there is no way that the people here could learn as much from me as I have learned from them. People at home think of me coming here as something so noble, but the truth is that I benefit the most from it. When you take the time to get beneath the surface you see this deep rooted faith and richness of life that is experienced despite the grave circumstances. I've learned more from these people and friends than I could have ever imagined. It just takes brushing off some dirt and you've got some real treasure.

two week mark

Yesterday marked two weeks until we leave Walk in the Light and Haniville. It honestly feels like just yesterday we arrived. The weather couldn't reflect my mood about leaving any better... its been cold and rainy the past two days. We have sat inside unable to work just reading, watching movies and keeping warm.

We have just started working on building a playground for the kids. There was one here previously, but it broke and was more of a hazard than anything so we took the remains apart and are now building from scratch a new one. I am hoping the weather will get better fast so that we can complete it before we leave. We have also been leveling out the soccer field here. It was very uneven and just bad, so we are trying to make it into a nice pitch. Especially since soccer is the favorite sport here, it will draw a lot of youth in.


As a team we went to the Moses Mabhida Stadium in Durban, which was built for the World Cup last year, and a few of us swung from the top of it! It was so much fun it reminded me of bungee jumping the last time I was here. We also went zip lining recently, which was a blast.

We have also been going to the daycare a lot here. There are a few of them in Haniville, but we go to one on a regular basis. There are about 40-50 infants to toddlers and only two women working. Its pretty insane. The kids are so precious and we always have a good time just loving on them.





Here is the link to a video made about Walk in the Light ministries if you are interested: http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=Dmt7LF2Hf0k

three in one.

You give and take away

Three deaths in one week. All of them HIV/AIDS related deaths and all too young to die. A situation all too familiar here. The rule, not the exception. Today was the most recent death and in response to the news, the youth pastor’s words were, “You see. It never ends. We are doing this every weekend.”

Its true.

Since I’ve been here there have already been five deaths. That averages a death a week, and that’s only the people we directly help. Every day of the week Walk in the Light takes people from the township in to the local clinic and the hospital if they don’t have money for other transport or if they are too sick and need help getting in the car. Some of them get better with treatment and then we just watch some of them slowly deteriorate. After the news of Begamusi’s death today we went to his house to sing and pray with his family. His mother sat on the ground wrapped in a blanket weeping. This is the reality here and most people are numb to it. This week we took 2 children under the age of 5 to the ARV (Anti RetroViral) clinic for HIV treatment. The life expectancy of a child born with HIV is age 12. The week before we arrived, Walk in the Light was helping with a funeral when the funeral home lost the woman’s body. The funeral was cancelled and the family, consisting of her two young sons, was sent home with a refund of their money.

Its real life, it isn’t those infomercials with the sad music in the background and the cute starving kids. In the township of Haniville alone, children are born with HIV, orphaned by HIV/AIDS related deaths, and raped by HIV positive men on a daily basis. It’s right in front of me. I hear the first hand accounts and see the effects of it. There is no sugar coating. Its real life and whether or not you want to believe it it’s happening.

I don’t think that guilt is the proper response. I think sorrow is expected and empathy is called for. I know the problem is overwhelming. It is. It’s huge and it feels HOPELESS. But the God that I worship is bigger, stronger, and greater than any problem our broken world faces. And He has called us be his hands and feet, to show his love to the broken, the hungry, and the sick in this world. I know this isn’t the only big problem our humanity faces, but it’s the problem that keeps slapping me in the face and it’s the problem I wake up to everyday. So please pay attention to what is happening. Please pray.

prayer

Prayer has always been something that has been misunderstood in my life. It still is misunderstood and I only know that its misunderstood because I'm always wondering about it. Always feeling like I should pray more but never exactly sure how to. I've never had this innate desire to communicate with God and when I try to practice the discipline of prayer I wonder if I go outside and talk out loud, go somewhere alone and think to him, write prayers in a journal to him, or just sit in silence and hope for some communication. Or there is always the option of reading other peoples prayers to him like Psalms. Then I read things by Shauna Niequist in her book Bittersweet and I feel like although she isn't writing a letter to God, her thoughts and words are a prayer. Or how about my friend Ashton who just writes, sometimes spoken word, sometimes poems that are just real and raw and they strike something deep in me that official "bow your head and pray"ers do not. The times when I am overcome with grief, unknowing and confusion are the times that I have this gnawing inside of me and this big vacancy that is screaming at me that the only antidote is to pray. But I'm frustrated because I don't want it to always come to that point for me to pray. I want my life to be a prayer, I want my words to other people to be prayer, and the essence of my life to be worship. I want to communicate with God through everything, I want to hear him back and I hope that I don't always have to long for these things.


So I'm trying to figure out this prayer thing and the last thing I prayed for was that God would show me how to pray and preferably give me the desire to pray. It's all I've got.

overturned.

All I can imagine right now are overturned tables. I've never seen it in real life, but in movies and in stories when people are angry they overturn tables and I feel like someone did that to the table that is my time here. I'm not ready to say its a bad thing, but the table is definitely upside down and on the floor now. I can see that its harder to eat when the legs are sticking up, but I'm trying to find a way and I am sitting in patience waiting for God to show me how.

So many surprises in the one week that I have been here. The first three days were an overload of information and shock and emotion. I can't explain all of the events and news but its all been very unexpected. Its been hard that is for sure. A heavy week filled with sadness, confusion, insult and very much in need of patience, wisdom and discernment on my part. Every time I've prayed in this past week I have prayed for wisdom and discernment. Those two things sound like water in the desert right now. I'm thankful for the patience that I've had so far and peace that God has granted me. I have little to no idea of what the rest of my time here is going to look like, but I have a feeling it is going to be a lot of rebuilding, not literally. Rebuilding relationships, credibility, and consistency and I don't mean on a personal level.

Praying that God will show me the way. Just trying to follow him and let him reveal some purpose to me. I am clay to be molded.

Happy fathers day to all the absent, addicted, unfaithful fathers of Haniville.

new and old

Back in Haniville, Pietermartizburg, South Africa also known as my ikhaya (home). This place is so familiar it feels like I'm back in Spring 2010. The smells of the township, the hustle and bustle of cumbis (taxi's, more like vans) and the conversations in the Zulu language. It's been a joy being back here, and on most days it feels like the puzzle piece just fits again.

In just the 8 days I have been here though, I have had some very new experiences. First of all, being here with a different group of people is new. There are new people that come to the ministry, new children born and even a new addition to the church house that we live in. This week we went to a funeral for a man who was stabbed by his own brother. We drove the family to dress the body and then to the grave site, which was in the middle of nowhere in a field of other graves marked by cheap pieces of wood with paper names attached to them. The casket was cheap plywood and during the "ceremony" a tractor came and refilled the hole. It really added a nice touch to the ambiance of the situation... it was a sobering experience. I absolutely hate how routine death is here. Its the rule not the exception. While riding with a woman, Phindele, who works for the ministry my friend Elisa was asked "do you still have parents?" Elisa paused, almost with guilt, to say that yes she still had parents.

Things are different around here too. Last time I was here there were four boys that were always around to hang out or lend a hand and the dynamics have changed now so they don't come around as much. I also feel like I am seeing some different sides to the people working here. Not the founder or head of the ministry, but some others. Its like I have left the honeymoon phase and now see the reality of things here. It doesn't matter if you are in ministry or not you still struggle with sexual immorality and alcoholism. Its been a harsh reality to face but it gives me that much more purpose and makes me rely that much more on God and His plan for this place and for us.

Seeing familiar faces has been so much fun. People are so surprised that Alex and I actually came back... I think Americans say things like that a lot, but then never really follow through. This culture is such a hospitable one. So much us Americans can learn from native Africans.


"Rejoice in the Lord always, I will say it again: Rejoice! Let your gentleness be evident to all. The Lord is near. Do not be anxious about anything, but in everything, by prayer and petition, with thanksgiving, present your requests to God. And the peace of God, which transcends all understanding, will guard your hearts and your minds in Christ Jesus."
Philippians 4:4-7

June 7, 2011

Leaving today for round 2 of South Africa.
SO EXCITED!

Finally this day is here.