Sunday, June 19, 2011

prayer


Prayer has always been something that has been misunderstood in my life. It still is misunderstood and I only know that its misunderstood because I'm always wondering about it. Always feeling like I should pray more but never exactly sure how to. I've never had this innate desire to communicate with God and when I try to practice the discipline of prayer I wonder if I go outside and talk out loud, go somewhere alone and think to him, write prayers in a journal to him, or just sit in silence and hope for some communication. Or there is always the option of reading other peoples prayers to him like Psalms. Then I read things by Shauna Niequist in her book Bittersweet and I feel like although she isn't writing a letter to God, her thoughts and words are a prayer. Or how about my friend Ashton who just writes, sometimes spoken word, sometimes poems that are just real and raw and they strike something deep in me that official "bow your head and pray"ers do not. The times when I am overcome with grief, unknowing and confusion are the times that I have this gnawing inside of me and this big vacancy that is screaming at me that the only antidote is to pray. But I'm frustrated because I don't want it to always come to that point for me to pray. I want my life to be a prayer, I want my words to other people to be prayer, and the essence of my life to be worship. I want to communicate with God through everything, I want to hear him back and I hope that I don't always have to long for these things.


So I'm trying to figure out this prayer thing and the last thing I prayed for was that God would show me how to pray and preferably give me the desire to pray. It's all I've got.

overturned.

All I can imagine right now are overturned tables. I've never seen it in real life, but in movies and in stories when people are angry they overturn tables and I feel like someone did that to the table that is my time here. I'm not ready to say its a bad thing, but the table is definitely upside down and on the floor now. I can see that its harder to eat when the legs are sticking up, but I'm trying to find a way and I am sitting in patience waiting for God to show me how.

So many surprises in the one week that I have been here. The first three days were an overload of information and shock and emotion. I can't explain all of the events and news but its all been very unexpected. Its been hard that is for sure. A heavy week filled with sadness, confusion, insult and very much in need of patience, wisdom and discernment on my part. Every time I've prayed in this past week I have prayed for wisdom and discernment. Those two things sound like water in the desert right now. I'm thankful for the patience that I've had so far and peace that God has granted me. I have little to no idea of what the rest of my time here is going to look like, but I have a feeling it is going to be a lot of rebuilding, not literally. Rebuilding relationships, credibility, and consistency and I don't mean on a personal level.

Praying that God will show me the way. Just trying to follow him and let him reveal some purpose to me. I am clay to be molded.

Happy fathers day to all the absent, addicted, unfaithful fathers of Haniville.

Tuesday, June 14, 2011

new and old

Back in Haniville, Pietermartizburg, South Africa also known as my ikhaya (home). This place is so familiar it feels like I'm back in Spring 2010. The smells of the township, the hustle and bustle of cumbis (taxi's, more like vans) and the conversations in the Zulu language. It's been a joy being back here, and on most days it feels like the puzzle piece just fits again.

In just the 8 days I have been here though, I have had some very new experiences. First of all, being here with a different group of people is new. There are new people that come to the ministry, new children born and even a new addition to the church house that we live in. This week we went to a funeral for a man who was stabbed by his own brother. We drove the family to dress the body and then to the grave site, which was in the middle of nowhere in a field of other graves marked by cheap pieces of wood with paper names attached to them. The casket was cheap plywood and during the "ceremony" a tractor came and refilled the hole. It really added a nice touch to the ambiance of the situation... it was a sobering experience. I absolutely hate how routine death is here. Its the rule not the exception. While riding with a woman, Phindele, who works for the ministry my friend Elisa was asked "do you still have parents?" Elisa paused, almost with guilt, to say that yes she still had parents.

Things are different around here too. Last time I was here there were four boys that were always around to hang out or lend a hand and the dynamics have changed now so they don't come around as much. I also feel like I am seeing some different sides to the people working here. Not the founder or head of the ministry, but some others. Its like I have left the honeymoon phase and now see the reality of things here. It doesn't matter if you are in ministry or not you still struggle with sexual immorality and alcoholism. Its been a harsh reality to face but it gives me that much more purpose and makes me rely that much more on God and His plan for this place and for us.

Seeing familiar faces has been so much fun. People are so surprised that Alex and I actually came back... I think Americans say things like that a lot, but then never really follow through. This culture is such a hospitable one. So much us Americans can learn from native Africans.


"Rejoice in the Lord always, I will say it again: Rejoice! Let your gentleness be evident to all. The Lord is near. Do not be anxious about anything, but in everything, by prayer and petition, with thanksgiving, present your requests to God. And the peace of God, which transcends all understanding, will guard your hearts and your minds in Christ Jesus."
Philippians 4:4-7

Tuesday, June 7, 2011

June 7, 2011

Leaving today for round 2 of South Africa.
SO EXCITED!

Finally this day is here.

Tuesday, April 20, 2010

lengthy lately.



So much has happened since I have last blogged on here. I apologize; I have not had the time or the Internet to do so. I will attempt to recap the recent events:

I will begin with Walk in the Light…there are not enough words, time or space to explain the way that Walk in the Light has impacted me. It has been the single, most influential time period of my life so far. It stretched me and grew me in ways I could not have imagined. While there, we build a mud house for a man named Mandla (which means power). Mandla is paralyzed from the waist down because his daughter’s boyfriend stabbed him in the back last year. He is HIV positive and also has tuberculosis. He leaves his tiny mud house (about the size of an American bathroom) 3 times a week to go to the local clinic for treatment. Sounds like a pretty rough life, yeah? You would never guess when you talk to him. Walk in the doorway and Mandla is smiling and laughing with you, always pointing out the positives rather than the negatives in his life. His attitude is amazing! He was always willing to pray with us and talk about God too. So we built him a brand new house and he is also getting a new bed that he can sit up in. God is good.



While at Walk in the Light we visited many homes and broken families who are sick with HIV and AIDS. We prayed over them and talked to them often. The township that Walk in the Light serves has a lot of AIDS and HIV from old to young ages. Many families are broken and torn apart because of it. It is not unusual to lose a close family member. It was very emotional and hard to leave on the last day of service sites. We had grown very close to the people at Walk in the Light and particularly four boys that we spent every day with. The four boys, Snash, Tash, Sihle and Njabulo are all around age 19 or 20 and living in Haniville. They are done with high school, but don’t have the money to go on to the university and don’t have the transportation to get to a job. They have made such an impact on my life and I hope to stay friends with them forever. I would love to return to Walk in the Light every summer if I am able to.

The last week in Pietermaritzburg we went on a safari and stayed a couple of days in a primitive, rural Zulu area. While in the Zulu tribe, we went to a marriage ceremony and participated in their many traditions. Going in to it I think that we were all under the impression that this would be just another touristy thing, but it was not touristy at all. We were with a real tribe and with people who truly believed in their ancestors as all-powerful rulers over their lives. It was really creepy actually. I don’t think any of us were prepared for the spiritual warfare that we experienced there. The second night was a horrible night. I woke up in the middle of the night with really bad stomach pain so I went outside and for some reason the nurses and one of the leaders were still awake. Right away they ran up to me and asked what was wrong so I told them I wasn’t feeling well and they informed me that they had already taken 3 different people to the nearest hospital…an hour away. Within 10 minutes I was throwing up and going to the bathroom non-stop if you know what I mean. It was progressively getting worse and the 3 people that they had already taken to the hospital were so dehydrated by the time they left that they were going in and out of consciousness and couldn’t even walk to the car. It was scary though, because there was no vehicle to take me to the hospital because both cars were already at the hospital. They had to call the Zulu man to drive an hour back and get me to drive an hour again to the hospital. It had stormed that night so the dirt roads were slippery mud and the drive was pretty dangerous to say the least. I made it to the hospital with my dear friends lying in the beds across from me. The hospital was government funded so to be honest it was pretty sketchy and kind of scary. I got hooked up to an IV like the other 3 but once my first drip or bag was done, the lady didn’t close the valve so it started taking up my blood! It was gross, but she just flushed it back into me with another drip. It was really interesting at one point we were all asleep and we woke up to all of the nurses and doctors in a half circle in front of us singing Zulu worship songs. It was so beautiful and it was good to feel God’s presence in our weakest, sickest and scariest time. Things didn’t get better after our time in the hospital though, we were all still pretty sick and we learned that the rest of our group was getting sick as well. Not as severe as we were, but the group was dropping like flies. Let’s just say the safari after that was not at all the joyous time we were expecting it to be. We were sick and weak the entire time. The only positive thing I can think of that came from that week was the unity that arose in our group and the close family that we became. If you were feeling well one hour you were taking care of someone else while they threw up had a fever. It was really touching to see the way that the group came together to care for one another.



After service sites and the Zulu/safari/hell week, we left African Enterprise for our trek down the East coast of South Africa towards Cape Town. On the trip we had many stops at interesting tourist places such as the Cango Caves, an ostrich farm, and the most fun…bungy jumping from the highest bridge in the world!

It was amazing and so much fun! I am so glad that I did it. We stayed almost every night along the water which was so nice especially after being so sick it was nice and relaxing to walk along the beach and smell the fresh, salty air. It was a nice week of travel and arriving in Cape Town we spent two days in the downtown area before splitting up into two groups, one group staying at a university called Bible Institute and the other group staying with families in a township called Oceanview. Oceanview is a community of coloured people (half black half white) who were displaced during Apartheid from their neighborhoods and forced to move to this region that was not developed at all, with no electricity or running water. They were forced to completely build a community from nothing. By the way, in South Africa the term coloured is not a bad term, it is an official class of people and they are proud to be coloured.

I am at home stays this week and am staying with a family of four in a two-bedroom house that is about the size of my living room at home. There is a bathtub only and no sink, a very tiny kitchen with a mini-fridge and no table to eat at. The family doesn’t have enough silverware for us to all eat a meal at the same time and only the “master” bedroom has a door. The family consists of Naomi and Reagan with their kids Uriel and Tiffany. They have so graciously given up their bedroom to us and they are now sleeping all four of them on two twin beds. They are a strong Christian family, just trying to get by. They have a small building behind their house that they let a Rastafarian man live in. One day Naomi told me that she is working at a ministry in the neighborhood where she doesn’t usually get paid, but she doesn’t care about the money she does it purely to serve God and to serve people.




It has been a very interesting week so far and I am getting ready to go home in only two weeks! It is going to be a very hard adjustment going back to the USA, but I am really starting to get excited to go home. I miss my family, friends and healthy food! I really miss Tara and can’t wait to see her and celebrate she and Luke’s recent engagement!:) Thank you all for your prayers and support. This semester has surely been life changing and has been the best time of my life so far. There is no doubt in my mind that this is where God wanted me to be and I am so thankful to have had this opportunity. Two weeks and I am homeward bound! :)

Friday, March 19, 2010

Haniville Township, Pietermaritzburg, South Africa



It has been my first couple weeks working at Walk in the Light and it has already been so transformational. I can’t even put into words the impact that this experience is already having on me. I can honestly say this is the first time in my life that I KNOW I am right where God wants me to be. My prayer is that He will just use me as His instrument there.

We have been doing manual labor in the mornings such as clearing out about an acre of land to be used for gardening and this week we will be building a house. It has been painful, physically, and every muscle in my body is sore but it feels so good to help. The man whose house we are building is name Mandla and he is paralyzed from the waist down because his daughter’s boyfriend stabbed him. He lies in his bed all day, has to wear diapers, and lives in a room about the size of a standard bathroom in America. Amazingly, he is still positive. He is able to smile and he has no grudge or bitterness towards his daughter. Can you even imagine?

In the afternoons we hang out for a while after lunch and then meet with a different group of people each day. On Tuesdays and Thursdays we meet with the “gogos” which are the older women who work in the gardens and some of the other women from the community. So far we have played games with them, sang and danced with them and discussed their joys and struggles in life. They are so willing to do activities with us and to teach us Zulu songs. On Wednesdays we meet with the younger youth and do a small Bible lesson followed by games and activities. It is almost like a VBS with them. Last but not least, my personal favorite, is working with the senior youth on Fridays. The senior youth are between the ages of 14-21 and they are just so amazing to me. There is a group of boys Sihle, Njabulo, Tash, Snesh and Ncena who are done with high school but can’t afford college and don’t have a way to get to a job so they have nothing to do all day. They come to Walk in the Light and help us with whatever we are doing, play soccer with us, and talk with us. They are such amazing young men who have so much under utilized potential. I love spending time with them. As a group we have really focused on the senior youth and have already had a barbecue, soccer and slip-n-slide day with them as well as taken some of them to a movie and dinner. When we went to dinner with them, the boys asked how to use silverware. Just an example of something that is luxury to them, and completely normal to us. It has been such a joy working with the senior youth and we are going to do much more with them in the next couple of weeks.

Working at Walk in the Light has been way more than I could have ever imagined or expected. I feel such a love and passion for the people of Haniville already and I am dreading the day that we must leave.

Monday, March 1, 2010

Hamba Ekukanyeni


Walking in the Light

Walk in the Light is the name of the ministry that I will begin working at next week. I will go three days a week all day and serve in any way that they need me to. I am praying that God will use me there and that I will be his hands and feet in the community. Your prayers are greatly appreciated! :)

http://www.walkinthelight.co.za

There is the link to the ministry website if you are interested!

Love,
Tanya


(Photos taken by Brandon Hook)